What's Left Unfinished
by WeasleyBee
Summary: Isabella Swan's diary eight years after Edward leaves her. She's 25, married, and a mother. She loves her life, but hasn't been able to leave behind her past. This journal documents her search for answers and closure from the greatest love she's ever had.
1. Entry 1

**~AUTHOR'S NOTE~**

**(Stephanie Meyer owns characters/etc.)**

**So here's my second fan fiction story. I hope I can update this on a more regular basis since the story consists of journal entries. I'm excited to really develop this. Read and review! **

September 13 -1:55 PM

Journal,

I do not know where or how to begin, but perhaps I should start with the basic fact that today is my birthday. My 25th, in fact, and I couldn't be any more depressed. Eight solid years has passed since then…Eight heartbreaking and at the same time wonderful years. And strangely, writing in this (a real journal) makes me feel like a teenager – like I'm 17 all over again. I could still feel Charlie hovering around behind me, trying to catch glimpses of the things I'm jotting down on the beaten up, dog-eared pages of my 17-year old self's journal. Not that Charlie was a super nosy father or anything, but back then I kept secrets.

Scratch that. I really shouldn't be divulging anything too serious on the very first page of my brand-new moleskin (Thanks Jake). Even though it's my birthday I'm still super preoccupied. Avery is currently tugging at the hem of my shirt and I can't keep her and Jake waiting. We've made a date to play on the tire swing outside while the weather still allows us.

I'll talk to you soon,

_Bella_


	2. Entry 2

Read/Review/Enjoy!

September 13 – 8:35 PM

There's finally some peace and quiet in this house. I had a truly pleasant birthday. We had a small get together at the apartment. Charlie, Renee, Phil, Billy, and some of the La Push gang came over to our little nook in Seattle. Jake and I (more _I_ than Jake) have successfully gotten Avery to sleep, funnily enough, with a lullaby someone used to sing to me. Strange how things from your past become so ingrained in you. I don't think I missed a beat.

Anyway, I've got about as much time as Jacob takes to shower to write in this so I have to be quick (Jake's a firm believer in wasting as little natural resources as possible… even for the sake of a thorough shower) Ah, what do you do when you have a Native American for a husband? If he had it his way we would have had our honeymoon at the reservation. He used the excuse of "the heightened spiritual connection" being in the outdoors would add to the experience of our first night together, but I told him we'd probably end up either stung or eaten to death by the common animals. How's that for a honeymoon?

The six years I've been with Jake have truly been a blessing. We had our daughter, Avery two years ago, and I can't imagine a time before becoming a mother. I love my life with Jacob and Avery so much, but sometimes… (more lately than anything) I wonder. I've been wondering what life would have been like if he had never left eight years ago…

You don't know how hard that was for me to write. I'm on the verge of tears. Now imagine if I said it out loud? The guilt I feel for even thinking such thoughts sends me over the edge. I lie awake at night, because I can't sleep. I can't even look Jake or Avery in the eye sometimes. It breaks my heart when Jake wants to make love, and I can't. Because the guilt eats at me.

What hurts me most is that Jake knows. He tries to be happy for our family's sake, but it doesn't always fix things. Sometimes we have fights where he ends up leaving at two o'clock in the morning for a long drive out on his bike, but he'll always comes back home in the morning. He'll kiss my forehead, and become the same-old happy Jake I've always loved.

Jake is strong for me, but he can't always mend the torment I feel. I feel foolish and immensely selfish for thinking he'll comeback. Wishing he'll come back. _Any day now_ has been my mantra for eight years, and every day – nothing.

There are times when I feel like it's not all in my head. Sometimes I know that he's there. I'll walk to my car at night and I'll swear someone is watching me. I've called out to him in the dark, and all I'll hear is the rustle of a tree and then silence. One night when Jake had left and Avery had a crying fit, I heard the lullaby. The lullaby he composed for me when I was 17 – when I lived in a world so unbelievable – beautiful yet terrifying. Soon Avery was sleeping like an angel.

Sometimes I'll be depressed, angry, certain, uncertain, or desperate…

But never do I feel at peace.

This is why I need to write. I need a way to get my thoughts down, to ruminate, and to finally gain closure on that section of my life. I need to free myself from this constant indecision not only for myself, but for my family.

Alright, Jacob's out. We all need some sleep. I hope this year is a good one.

_Bella _

**~AUTHORS NOTE~**

**I know this is only the second "chapter", but what do you guys think so far? Should this be continued?**


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